God's wisdom at hand.... pun intended

God works in mysterious ways, I know we have all heard that saying before, however there is nothing mysterious about the way he has been working in my life recently, this week was yet another confirmation of that, that even when I can't see it or don't really understand what is happening that God has it all under control and knows exactly what he is doing and why he is doing it.

Romans 8:28 says: and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I realise this post is a bit all over the place so I shall attempt to give it some structure.
The past 5-6 months have been a difficult time for me injury wise.. I developed chronic and continuous pain in my right hand which has spread up through my wrist and arm, it hurts.. everyday it hurts to varying degree's but always.. it hurts.  So it has been a time of hospital visits, G.P visits, x rays in and out of casts, braces and slings, an MRI, steroid injections several visits to a plastic surgeon, a case conference surrounded by 15 or so plastic surgeons, visits to an upper limb therapist who poked me full of dry needles each week (which was awesome for pain relief by the way) but did not treat the actual problem. My pain remains.

During this time we also decided to start looking at buying a new house,.. * no this is not a tangent the two topics coincide I promise**.... We had been renting a small house after selling 12 months earlier and as our lease drew near to ending we thought we would look and see what the market was doing and whether  it was the right time to buy or not. We found a couple of houses we really liked one in particular we fell in love with and started to check out our finances and our options in order to put in an offer..as we did this we began to battle with the thoughts of was this the right house, was this the right time, financially how would this work.. we knew God had the perfect house for us ready and waiting for when the time was right.. was this the right time.. I struggled with this.. I REALLY loved the house we were looking at.. it seemed perfect, big bedrooms lovely outdoor areas loads of space and a massive kitchen, I felt for sure God was providing us this house that met all our needs and 99% of our wants,.. there was just that little issue of the price..it would take every bit of our savings and money from the sale of our house plus take us to our very limits on applying for a loan to buy this house. Yes we would have a beautiful home but it would really really stretch us financially. We sought council and after prayer decided that this wasn't the home for us and that it was not the time to buy and have since rented another house which is beautiful and just as spacious and comfortable as the house we were intending to buy.

 I could not help but have a few moments of thinking why would this beautiful house be available and God not provide a way for us to buy it. I firmly believe that God provides all our needs 

Philippians 4:19 — But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

and wants to give us the desires of our heart  

Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

This house was definitely a desire of our heart but we felt strongly we were being told no and to wait on buying a house.

 Back to my wrist/hand. Things the past few weeks with my hand have gotten increasingly worse, the pain has intensified and I have developed tremors and numbness on and off throughout the hand and several finger, I had been referred to yet another upper limb specialist who was a little confused as to why I was seeing a plastic surgeon and not an orthopaedic surgeon.. (and now so am I, feels like I wasted my time and a big chunk of money for no answers) This doctor referred me on to see an orthopaedic surgeon who was able to look at all the tests x-rays and MRI and actually give me a diagnosis and an action plan of how to treat it.  So the diagnosis is I have a disease called Keinbocks disease and this has caused vascular necrosis of my Lunate bone..which means I have a lack of blood flowing to certain areas and bones in my wrist and this has caused the bone to begin dying (hence the extreme pain) and also my x-ray was misread the first time by the plastic's doc and one of the other bones in my wrist is shorter and therefore not supporting my hand properly which is most likely what caused the Keinbocks disease to take hold. The great news is that this can be fixed... the bad news is it takes surgery to fix it... my arm is going to be broken and they will remove a piece of bone from the wrist and place a metal plate into my arm therefore aligning all the bones properly and hopefully restoring the blood flow and stopping the necrosis.

We do not have private health cover. To go on a public waiting list I am looking at a waiting time of around 2 years since it is categorised as non emergency despite being in sometimes extremely agonising pain. I cannot wait 2 years, I will end up addicted to pain medication or going insane front the pain and it will get worse the longer it is left untreated. So we are paying for the surgery. Now this is how I know God has things in control, We have to pay for everything the doctors fee's, the hospital room the anaesthesiologist.. everything coming out of our pockets and very little coming back from Medicare a quote was given today for around 7 and 1/2 thousand dollars for this surgery. 
I thank God that we have this money all ready to go. That he guided us away from spending everything we had on a house.. a house that would bring stress despite its beauty. If we were given this quote and had bought the house there is no way possible we could afford this surgery and we would not be able to get a loan to pay for it either as we would of borrowed already to our maximum limits. I would of been stuck on a public waiting list for 2 years in pain suffering everyday. Instead because we sought out God and actually listened to what he said I will be having surgery in a couple of weeks to fix the damage in my arm, yes it will be painful for a time after as I recover however that pain will be the pain of well worth it-ness (yes I made that word up)


I am so grateful that God is the God of today, tomorrow and yesterday. That he cares about me and is looking out for me and my family in all areas of our lives both big and small. I am grateful that he provides our needs and places people in our lives who have biblical wisdom and also care about the decisions we make and how the outcomes of those decisions affect the rest of our lives.
As a friend said I will have the rest of my life to save for a house, at least now I will be able to enjoy it pain free and that is far more important to me then simply having a house I can be in and not fully enjoy because I am suffering with pain.

 My hospital papers arrived today and my surgery should take place in the next few weeks, I am so so happy that I will be having this operation as soon as I am.. made possible only because we are covering the cost ourselves, which is made possible only because God spoke and thankfully we listened.

Healing the trauma of abortion - an 11 year journey.

I am writing this with the knowledge that I may not actually publish it, it could just be something I write in order to help along the therapeutic process and be the final chapter in what has been a long journey... 11 years in fact of letting the past rest and my recovery from the trauma that is abortion.

While I am not one for public confession this is more about getting the events and thoughts out of my head and onto paper... well screen.  Yes I had an abortion. Yes even just writing those words leaves me a little uneasy still, and I wonder how many of you will take this revelation, though I have no control over what you will think of me once you read those words I can't help but still fight a tiny part of me that fears your judgement. This has been a closely guarded secret for many many years, many of you, my trusted and closest friends do not know this about me, I don't talk about it.. well I never used to but I am starting to now. Shame, guilt and disgust have held my lips silent for too long and over the past month with the help of a wonderful couple I am letting go, in fact I have let go handed over my lost son to the hands of God and forgiven myself for a decision made under intense pressure a decision I didn't realise at the time would be the beginning of the undoing of my mental health.

 Already a young mum to my beautiful daughter I found myself in a fairly messy relationship with an emotionally unstable man, whom I will not name because that would not be right,  I thought he was all I deserved, we had not become intimate under the best of circumstances, he was already in a relationship when I met him and he left his partner to be with me, I was a mess, as our relationship behind closed doors became verbally abusive I found out I was pregnant. Utterly horrified, overwhelmed and literally sick with fear that I would be forever bound to this man I sought council from an older woman (someone whom I thought wiser at the time)  who advised me the best thing I could do was terminate. I told the baby's father I was pregnant and he also suggested abortion - desperate, utterly totally desperate I could not see any other option then to go along with his wishes and have the pregnancy terminated.

Appointments were made, examinations had and within 3 weeks I was walking into the ** Hospital (again not going to name names) I was booked in and told of the fee I would need to hand over, (which was more then expected) rummaging through my bag my partner came up with the cash and I was
told that I would need to cook him a nice dinner that night to make up for the fact that he was spending more money on me... which gives you a small indication of the calibre of arsehole we are dealing with here. Completely disillusioned and completely terrified I headed into the operating room hefted up onto a small cold bed and blissfully I was knocked out. I say blissfully because I no longer had to deal with the 25 voices in my head telling me 25 different things, the voice of my parents telling me how shameful I was, the voice of my friend telling me I would not cope with another child, the voice of my partner telling me how he didn't want this child... and my voice in my own head just screaming over and over.. screaming and not being heard.

I was roughly woken up by a nurse and informed I needed to get dressed and move along to a quiet room where other woman recovering from their abortions were seated. It was horrible. I was in a drug fuelled haze and stumbled about getting dressed and then waiting to be picked up. Finally I was taken home where I forced a smile for my mum and baby and acted like everything was normal despite the fact that I was bleeding heavily and felt dizzy and sick.  Afraid to tell my mother and too worried about my baby daughter to let her see me fall apart I pushed aside the hurt, the incredible pain and mental anguish and carried on like nothing had happened. Outwardly I was the same. Inside though I began to feel like I was dying... in the days and weeks that followed I forced myself to interact with my daughter though it was so difficult.  I was shutting down emotionally and began to battle massive waves of guilt and shame, I felt like I did not deserve my daughter knowing that I had willingly given my unborn baby away. Thoughts of suicide came and went frequently and for a while things got very very dark for me. I continued to stay with my partner...almost a form of punishment for myself, again what I felt I deserved. The only glimmer of light was that through a former neighbour of his I began attending church which somehow helped. Don't get me wrong, it didn't help right away and it was difficult for people to reach me given the black hole I was living in and the pain that  hovered over my heart constantly, but eventually (over the space of maybe 12-15 months) I let down some of the wall that I had built around myself, I gave my life to Jesus and ditched my partner.

 Things got better, I got a job, became a better mother, became busy with church activities and friends and met my now husband. Things were going well until I switched on the computer at David's house (then boyfriend now husband) and was searching the web when somehow an abortion website popped up on the screen... kind of like a pop up ad thing and I began screaming, flashes of the hospital room, the smell of sweat and blood filled my nose and the memory of the nasty infection I was ill with for weeks later came flooding back to haunt me, and haunt me it did. Filled with shame and humiliation I confessed to David that I had had an abortion and that what had appeared on the screen triggered some intense trauma for me. I will forever be grateful for his response to me, which was sadness for my pain he held me tight, never judged me but let me cry and shed tears along with me, he was and remains my rock, my soul mate and best friend.  Putting that experience aside I again swallowed my feelings planted a smile and got on with life. We got married and within 8 weeks were pregnant with our first child together. Memories of the abortion came flooding in again when I found out I was pregnant and  although we were thrilled to be having a child together I could not help the times where my mind would wonder  to what would of happened if I had given birth to my son rather then terminate his pregnancy. My emotions continued to be a roller coaster after our son's birth and 6 months later we decided to begin trying to conceive another child. We wanted our children to be close in age and grow up together but I could not seem to fall pregnant again as easily as I did with our first son, in fact after 2 years of trying I was really beginning to despair and blamed myself, I convinced myself it was a punishment that because I had had an abortion I would not be able to have another baby, again things got pretty dark for me and again my husband supported me through.

 I fell pregnant again and it was a time of big celebration for us we were thrilled to have what we thought was our third and final child, however God has a sense of humour and 4 months after I birthed our second son I was pregnant again.  God is good, so very good and we have been blessed with 4 children 2 girls and 2 boys, perfect.

It's been about 11 and a half years since my abortion and only over the past couple of months have I been dealing with it. Eaten up with shame and guilt and heart ache over my decision dealing with random triggers that set off spirals of depression and shame, I knew I needed to let the past go, forgive myself, forgive my partner at the time, even forgive the doctor who took my son out of my body. A very tough ask. I had attempted to let go several times before but this time as I have gotten specific with God about the things I have needed to do in order to let go I finally feel as though I have made some real progress. Guided through prayer I realised that I am still the baby I aborted's mummy, he is still my son, and I believe I will see him again, he waits for me in my saviours arms until he can be handed back to mine. I have given him a name and I have said goodbye for now. I have forgiven myself for a decision made  many years ago when I was nowhere near the person I am today, different from the inside out, slowly transforming into the woman I was created to be.

Abortion was not the quick fix we thought it would be, for me anyways. I thought once the "problem" was gone it would be as if it never happened, how very very wrong I was. I would never have an abortion again, under any circumstances, however I would never ever judge someone who did, who am I to judge,... who are any of us for that matter, unless you have been put in that terrible situation where you actually have to make the choice when you get so desperate and can see absolutely no way out then you have no right to judge. Do I wish I could go back, yes I would of made a different choice if I knew then what I know now, I would of birthed my son and perhaps raised him or perhaps given him up for adoption, either way he would of had a life, a chance to grow, to experience, to love, to laugh, to live, but instead I took his life away from him in one terrible moment. I have lived with the trauma and shame and guilt of that for a long time and now I am finally ready to speak about it, to let it no longer consume my thoughts on Mothers day and what would of been around the time of his birthday. To now have a memory of him safe in Gods arms is what I can focus on. To know not only am I forgiven by God and  free of judgement, but have been able to forgive myself allows me the freedom to heal and restore the hole that has been eaten into my heart by shame and guilt for over 11 years.

I came upon this website a couple weeks ago www.survivorsofabortion.org.au and it really spoke to me, it is a  loving christian website that I found helpful, I know some people probably won't agree with the content, but the stories of other women working through their abortion trauma really helped me face mine and the video clip was incredibly beautiful and encouraging.

Thank you to my husband, who has as always held my hand as I walked through this journey, for his encouragement love and unfailing support, I will love you always. To my Son Mathew, I love you and will run to you when it is time until then remain safe in God's arms.

It's not about the number

Hi there,
hope you are all enjoying the loves of YOUR lives at the moment.

So here we go… weight loss…. yeah I know right,… someone else has written another post on being fat or being skinny etc etc there is lot about weight loss or gain out there, but I just wanted to share somethings I am dealing with and wonder if anyone has similar experience. About 10 weeks ago I got on the scales… something I had been avoiding because I knew I had gained a lot of weight over the past 12 months, and even though I was living in a huge state of denial about how I looked my clothes and lack of energy and easy huffing and puffing on a short walk would tell me that my weight was rapidly rising…. so I stepped on the scale having my own biggest looser moment as the numbers flickered away. going up and up .. and burst into tears… surely that can't be right… not THAT number, the biggest number I have ever seen on a set of scales I have ever stepped on… 116.8 kilos….. first emotion…. shame…. first thought…. where is the Timtams….second thought…maybe I should check the battery in the digital scale cause that number has to be wrong…. (it wasn't) I looked at that number for a long time, and knew it had to change, I have 4 children and my kids need a mum who can play with them and chase them at the park, not sit on the sidelines cheering them on as they play without me. My resolve began to grow I was going to change this number…. after a few hours of thinking about it, praying and crying I begin to really realise something…. it's not about the number…and I think for a lot of people this is true… it's what that number represents… it represents me burying my feelings in a bag of Dorito's, me eating my stress through blocks of chocolate about me not relying on God but relying on the guy at K.F.C to provide my emotional stability and comfort in times of need. It had to stop.


I made up my mind that I was actually going to use the gym membership I pay for each month though hadn't actually used in about 18 months, I was going to do this weight loss thing, eat better and excise…. and that was what I did, not telling anyone for fear of failure and also judgement…. what if someone who knew I was dieting saw me eat a burger, I could not deal with the shame so for many weeks I kept it to myself just sharing it with hubby and the kids… and for the first couple of weeks things were going great, the weight was coming off and my eating was slowly coming under some sort of control, I cut out all fatty and junk food and put a stop to take away dinners… but it wasn't enough, I realised that simply going on a diet to loose some weight just would not cut it.. there had to be some real emotional and lifestyle changes made. I could not hide my feelings from people if something was upsetting me,I would have to get brave and *gulp* start voicing opinions on things that really bothered me or that I had an opinion on rather then eating my way through a packet of biscuits for comfort I had to start to turn to God who is always ready and waiting to hear from me in good times and bad, The bible says my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit…and I had to start taking better care of that temple, to not hide the fact that I was going to the gym and making better decisions for myself and family when it came to the food we were eating. After about 4 weeks I had lost 5 kilo's and was already feeling fitter and stronger I decided to post on Facebook a check in that I was at the gym and was encouraged later by positive comments and such about this post.

I continued on, getting my act together health and fitness wise and about 2 weeks ago during prayer with a lovely woman from our church (someone who knew nothing about my weight loss journey)I was told they could see a new stronger authority rising up in me ( nothing about a number on a scale but an internal change happening to me) and it would affect the way I parent and the woman I am, I am a strong woman I have a voice and I can use it without fear of judgement, I have to say I felt it to… physically a change being made on the inside and I strongly believe that it is tied into how I see myself and the role food has played in my life. Things in terms of my weight loss and life gain are going great, I have been on this road to re discovering who I am .. who I really am, not just the funny fat mum who is a good cook, and I have to say I really like this version of myself, I can speak up about things I have experienced that had me eating more and going out less (post natal depression springs to mind) and have been able to shake off a lot of the shame that went along with my eating habits of old. Now I am 10 kilos lighter and I am beginning to see a real change in my body shape and feel so much stronger and fitter, I meet with a trainer once a week and go to the gym 6 days a week.. most weeks. I have seen a dietitian who gave me some great pointers and meal ideas that have me always feeling full and satisfied… and NOT soaked in oil. I have 6 kilos to loose and I will be under a 100 kilos, which is my goal for now and I will re-assess when I get there… but really it's not about the number… it never was, it's about what the number represented, it's not about "being good" and eating a salad it's about making right choices as often as possible choices that don't actually have anything to do with food but with how I choose to deal with decisions that need to be made in my life, walking away from the confectionery aisle in the shops and heading for the fresh fruit and vegetables… discovering that healthy options really aren't the work of the devil and are actually really really enjoyable, choosing to get my arse off the lounge and going for a walk.. or really punching out strong so I hurt my trainer in a boxing session… these are some new loves of my life.

Can a 3 year old have an encounter with the divine??

This post is more of a question then a story but I'm wondering as you can most likely tell by the title of this blog post if it is possible for an almost 3 year old child (in this case my ladybug) to have a true encounter/ experience with God...

You're right you need more information here goes :

I have to assume that most of you know we are a Christian family who attend church every week, we pray as a family and role model for our children (as best we can) (sometimes not so great) how God expects us to live as Christians.


Olivia our youngest daughter who is almost 3 has been attending church since she was one week old, so she is comfortable and accustomed to prayer and praise and worship time within a church service. She even at 2 is always happy to participate in group prayer and loves to sing and dance along with praise music, however recently I noticed during the quieter and more solemn time of musical worship in church Livvy closes her eyes and raises her hands up and sings along to the music. The first time she did this (a few months ago) I assumed she was just mimicking myself or the people around her who were connecting with God, Then I looked at her face not just her actions and she had a look of pure and total joy on her face she was aglow and intent on what she was doing and I was fascinated and have been wondering as she has done this a couple of times now... (not every week but certainly 3 or 4 times over about 3 months) is she really connecting with God or is she mimicking?

Is it possible for a toddler to connect with God In such a way? or any child to have such an experience for that matter?

I realise that to a degree she would be mimicking what she See's around her and I understand that since this is what she is growing up with she would be comfortable with joining in and doing what other people are doing, however it's the look on her face as she closes her eyes and raises her arms that gets me wondering. I guess its hard to explain but there is a gentle softness that comes over her, a calm but sweet joy as she softly songs the words she knows, sometimes she is not singing at all but just appears to be having a quiet moment with God . Am I reading to much into it? Am I just projecting what I want for her.. Which would be to experience the fullness of gods love for her, Or is she truly entering in to worship and connecting with God in a real and personal way?


For now I don't have a definitive answer ( am happy to hear peoples opinions and thoughts but please be respectful in how you express them this is my child and my faith both are precious to me) Like I was saying I don't have a definite answer but I will always encourage all of my children to connect with and encounter God in a way that is personal and meaningful to them. I know he has amazing plans for all 4 of my children and hubby and my desire for them all is to know then Lord and experience daily his love for them as we do. Weather this happens when they are 3 years old or 10 or 15 I don't know, all I can do for now is watch on with joy and pride as they experience and respond to their creator who loves them.

Mathew 19:14 14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

The moment after..

Hiya, I know it's been a while since my last post and sooo much has happened new house, new church, new school for one of the tribe and most excitedly a new baby boy for my very best friend Meegs. I was honoured and blessed to be asked in to be support for Megan has she birthed her 4th son, a huge privilege to be a witness to baby Eli's entrance into the world... now you may think this is what I am blogging about but you would be wrong! OOohhh don't worry there will be a blog post about Eli's birth but what I wanted to write about was the moments that took place after he was born, things that I experienced that caused me to wonder and question a few thoughts and mind sets I have as a women and in my friendships.

After Eli was birthed and had been snuggled and cuddled by his Mummy and Daddy and received his first breastfeed, Megan requested a shower... and who can blame her, birthing is hard work and we all work up a sweat. I assisted her into the shower and helped her remove what little clothing she had left on. Her body was tired,she had worked hard and thankfully there was a chair in the shower stall.. yay for that says Meegs. We fiddle with the temperature adjusting til a suitable amount of warmth is shooting through the shower head, I help my friend sit in the chair I hitch up the legs on my jeans and wet a washer and stand in front of this amazing women... a woman who has just birthed her 4th child but for the very first time everything was on her terms. No interventions no inductions, just the power of her body doing what it was created to do. I tell her she can lean into me if she likes so she can rest some under the water.. as she does I am filled will a new sense of wonder at the power of friendship. My beautiful friend sitting naked in front of me, resting her head on my breast as I wash her back and do my best to work with the water and soothe her pains, it hits me what a primitive thing it is we are doing, thousands of women have gone before us doing this very same thing supporting each other in birth and after as well. Such an intimate moment between us, a moment that breaks through the simple word of friendship and brings us into sisterhood, Megan laughs and says "well there is no turning back now, you've seen it all" I giggle along with her but then say "there is no way I would want to turn back".. and I mean it. Yes watching Eli's birth was an incredible breath taking experience, as was holding my dear friend as she breathed through her contractions and worked with her body as she did her thing, but for me, the moments after, the moments in the shower where I felt the spirit of so many other women.. so many mothers before us in one of the most natural and raw emotional experiences I have had as a women, that's what I will remember most about that day.

Which begs the question... why oh why are we so fueled by hate for each other? Gossip, jealousy, rivalry, backstabbing and just plain meanness... why do we do this and feel this towards each other? I have asked myself this a lot this past week, when reflecting on the day Eli was born. Why do we feel it necessary to question what other mum's are doing? We don't have to agree with another woman's choice on how she cares for her child, does she breastfeed or not, home school or not, and how could she possibly wear those clothes, no we don't have to agree with those things but how about little respect and understanding, we are all different we are going to do things differently... not wrong just different.

I say this not just to you but ME too.. I do my very best to not gossip because I hate being gossiped about it's hurtful and damaging and 99% of the time gossip gets back to the person anyways so my thoughts are you may as well just tell that person... but I am human and I mess up on this a lot and fall into the gossip trap, I have been guilty of envy and jealousy "why is that person better at that then I am .. I work harder at it I should be the best"... yep its an ugly side of me but it does exists.. but after my experience with Meegs and my emotions getting a workout I want to change the way I view other women, not as rivals but as women, who come with their own set of "stuff" insecurities, issues with their kids or husbands differing views on religious choices parenting etc the list goes on.

If I can have such an intimate fulfilling amazing experience with a friend simply in the act of washing her back, then why can't I have those amazing moments with others.. NOW STOP FREAKING OUT!!! I am not about to go round stalking you in your shower offering to wash you BUT I can simply ask you how your day is and listen with intent and interest as you answer, I can cook you a meal or invite you out for one with me... I can do so many things to enrich the life of many women in my circle of friends and beyond and so can YOU!!.. Next time you feel jealousy towards another women ask yourself whats behind it, why do you feel that way, go and talk to the person be honest about what your feeling, it will be far more rewarding and enriching for you then sitting around bitching about the person. Nope it won't be easy and may be uncomfortable and embarrassing... but for me, I guess I would rather risk some embarrassment and have the blessings that come in the moments after as my relationships grow into a deep level of understanding then just surface level friendships..it has to be worth it... right?

Sleep... my children stole it.

Sleep, oh how I miss thee ever so much.

My children have stolen from me. Robbed me of a joy I am having trouble remembering.. a little thing called sleep. Gone are the carefree days of sleeping in till 10am on a weekend... now days I consider 6am a sleep in.
My children just wont sleep., which in turn given their ages means I don't get to sleep either. I have 4 children the oldest being 12 has a bed time most nights round 8:30pm she will eventually be asleep by around 11pm and wake at 7am on a school day and attempt to sleep later on the weekends however most of the time her brothers and sister have different plans.

Last week one of our nights was as follows Mini (12) awake until 11pm, Olivia woke at 2am and stayed awake all night, Peter (6) and Mikey (3) woke at 4am and were awake all day. Giving me a grand total of 3 hours sleep. On Tuesday Mini broke her arm and was awake until 2am unable to get comfortable,.. I can deal with that I totally get pain can keep you awake... however her brothers woke at 4:20am and decided to play and make noise all morning eventually waking Olivia at 6am with all their carry on. Saturay night Peter woke at 11pm, Mikey at 11:15 and Olivia at 11:30, they have radar I swear all waking at the same time, Olivia finally re settled at about 2am Mikey and Peter were up till about 4am and then again at 6:30am I rag myself through the day thinking I am soooooooooooooo tired. They on the other hand are all sunshine and roses.

why do these little sleep thief's not settle... why do they wake up at 11pm an party on all night .. on any given night these are some of the things we hear. ( I will number order them by child child 1= mini child 2 = peter etc etc)

1 I need a drink of water
3 I need drink too
2 I need to go to the toilet
1 my bums sore
3 I poo'ed my nappy
2 I just can't sleep
1 my arm is hurting
1 I'm too hot
2 I m too cold
3 I need milk
2 I can't find my teddy
2 Malina is talking in her room
1 Peter is talking in his room
1 I feel funny
2 I heard a noise outside
3 I want to play
2 Why is Mikey up
1 why are the boys up

This takes place for about an hour an then finally they are all asleep... until anywhere between 11pm and 2am then the wake ups start... if it was a wake up and go back to sleep that would be cool but NO they wont re settle.... co-sleeping, music, warm milk, cuddles with either parent, bribery, threatening, begging and bargaining NOTHING wins them over to the sleep side of the night,all the while number 4 is carrying on calling out from her cot all her demands and frustrations as well.

Now if this was a once a week occurrence I would not complain, I get it kids have bad nights and bad days just like us but it's EVERY fricken night. I hear mum's complain about having to get up at 6am and I want to punch them in the face... repeatedly... 6am ohhh that would be so much nicer then 2am, 3am or 4am. Now you would think that given the total lack of sleep my children have that they would be exhausted during the day, calm and sleepy by 11am well you're TOTALLY wrong!! They are delightful, happy full of energy normal playing toddlers and kids. By around 6pm they are hitting the wall and bed time is round 6:30pm.. I would keep them up later in the hopes of a longer sleep over night but experience has told me that this just doesn't work an makes for a more difficult evening, we have a nice bed time routine they know when it's coming and whats expected, we sit together and have warm milk and a cookie o toileting rounds prayers and tuck In's... which last about 10 mins on a great night 5 on an average night and 3 on a bad night.

I miss sleep so much. How can I function and be a good mum when I average about 4-5 hours sleep a night, I think at least I can bum around the house poor hubby has to go to work and deal with complex computing systems on not much more sleep then I get. People say it's just a stage it wont last but I just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.... They will be teens before I know it,one of them will be a teen next year, along with that comes even more reasons for me to not be asleep. Even as I write this my 2 yr old beauty climbs on me and I tell her it's almost bedtime, she has just told me No, no bedtime not yet, soon... all this is said as she whines and grounds her eyes with her tiny fists she is soo very tired awake since 5:45am no day nap, yet she resists the wonderfulness that is a good nights sleep, again I ask WHY???!!!!

There is a book that is being released here soon with a rather crude title,most of you who read this will know the one I'm talking about, some parents and groups are against it, but as a exhausted totally sleep deprived mum of 4 I look at my kids and think my darlings please just go the f**k to sleep.

I am now a mum to a young woman, Happy Birthday Malinda Rose.

Today I become a mum to a young woman, no longer a "little girl" my daughter Malinda Rose has turned 12. I sit and ponder how on earth did that happen? How did my little cherubic baby girl with the big brown eyes and mass of black hair turn into the exotic looking beauty that she has transformed into over the past 12 years. Not a girl but a young woman. Gone is the chubby dimpled hands and round baby face and in their place stands a tall, slender, beautiful young woman.

Previously I have (like many of my blogger Friends) liked to share about our children's birth and early baby/toddlerhood as the time to celebrate their birth approaches however I have decided that I wont go into to much detail in this post about Malinda's conception, birth and early childhood for a few reasons, one of them being that it was a difficult time for me, a child myself the cliche pregnant teen, dumped by the child's father, it was a time of pain and very quick road to maturity. The other is I want to honor my daughter and believe that I should sit and share these memories and the path I journeyed on with her another time, as she grows from a young woman and matures into the amazing adult I know she will become I think there are things that will need to be said just between her and I.


However I DO want to recognise and celebrate her birth with a blog post! What an unexpected treasure she was to me, at 19 terrified about being a first time mother (a single one at that) we learnt together, my girl and I, from her first tooth to her first period we continue to learn together. Malinda has taught me so very much, In our early weeks and months together she taught me patience, perseverance and how to love with every part of my heart and soul. Her hurts were and are my hurts, we grew together, Malinda from a baby to a toddler, me from a girl to a women stepping into the role I had been called into, that of a mum.

Malinda is an absolute superstar of a person. Funny, strong, outgoing and very determined, at 5 and a half she was struggling in her class at school and development. Testing, lots of doctor appointments and outside help would reveal a learning disability, auditory processing delay and speech and developmental issues... as her stepfather and I would sit together devastated she would soldier on, I watched my determined girl push through, hours, months and years of speech therapy, occupational therapy and changing of schools from a mainstream public school to a school where she would receive the specialised help she needed. She worked hard, stubborn and would not be held back by her learning issues she has continued to grow and achieve, she gives her best and pours her huge heart into all she does. She has blessed and enriched my life beyond anything I could of imagined.


12 years together, mother and daughter, we sometimes switch between the roles of teacher and student,but that's okay we experience the new together with love and for the most part mutual respect. Don't get me wrong it's not all sunshine and roses the pre-teen attitude is a challege as is the moods and hormonal swings all women deal with but as her mum it's my job and pleasure to guide her through these as gently and with as little eye rolling as possible.

Pimples, boy friends and peer groups have replaced teething, nappy's and teddy bears, how did this happen? When did this happen? I know it sounds so cliche but really time it seems to have passed in the blink of an eye... first bra's, heartbreak, crushes on Justin Beieber and that boy from school, it's all happening so fast. I remember bringing her home from hospital, holding her tiny body thinking how perfect she was.. nothing has changed in 12 years, I still gaze at her amazed and think you are wonderful my daughter, my first born beauty, you're perfect.



Malinda, today 12 years ago at 1:20pm is the day that my life changed in a million ways and every one of them for the better, because you were born. You have grown into an amazing young woman, I admire and love you so very much. Your laugh is infectious, your courage inspiring, your determination amazing, your heart beautiful, your smile dazzling, your compassion admirable. Happy Birthday my darling.

Am I a man or a mouse?

This blogger has been in need of some time out,and my in laws who are house sitting in New South Wales offered myself and the kids some time away with them in the country. Eager for a break in routine and two extra pairs of hands to help with the tot's I jumped at the chance to head off for a week. A few days before I set off on our country adventure I caught the end of a current affairs shows which to my horror was a segment on the terrible mouse plague happening at the moment in country N.S.W.... EEEeekkkkkk!!! I watched in terror and nausea as I saw farmers separating bales of hay to have 100's of mice scurry out. I watched whimpering as what appeared to be thousands of mice ran across fields,roads and farm houses.

Mice are more than an annoyance and plagues can cause significant damage to our agricultural sector. Mice also cause considerable damage to farm infrastructure—including sheds and machinery and unprotected fodder and stored grain, mice can also cause considerable damage to my holiday! I HATE MICE!!! They are horrible little furry things that freak me out with their quick scurry and filthy little poo pellets. I quickly decided that I was NOT going to be going on the wonderful country adventure after all. Hubby however manage to convince me that I would be fine he assured me that the mice plague was not actually near where the kids and I would be staying so there was no need for me to stress..... he was WRONG!!!!

OH MY GOSH! On the drive into Junee (country N.S.W) I counted 21 mice scurrying across the road in about 6 minutes slowly I began to freak out! Turning to David I say "I don't think I can do this", again came his naive "you'll be fine babe".
I ran from the car to the house greeted by my beautiful in laws I began babbling about the mice I had seen and how worried I was... my father in law... who now holds the title of THE GREAT MICE WARRIOR of New South Wales, proudly boasted to me how in 8 weeks he had trapped and killed 500 mice,(yes he does keep a record of his carnage and yes it creeps me out) my heart sank right down towards me knees and I felt bile rise up into my throat. Oh crap, how am I going to cope with these pests for 8 days.

I have however managed to cope rather well,... yes.... me! I have been astounded at myself and my ability to not totally loose my shit when I see them running about the farm. The Great Mice Warrior has 6 traps baited with peanut butter and a small dog biscuit set up to lure and trap these pests before they get a chance to invade the house... a thing I am very grateful for. I have been receiving quite an education on the destruction and devastation mice can actually cause and I have a new appreciation for our framers who are already doing it so tough with the weather conditions who also have to deal with these pests on such a massive scale. Having to re-sew crop after crop as the mice nibble away at the freshly sewn seed it comes at a huge cost to the farmer. Interestingly while here I visited a local church and the minister gave a sermon with several mouse related analogies... this did NOT impress me, however it also bought home the huge affect these pests are having.

I have also learnt some creative (and gross) ways to catch mice outside the home, The Great Mouse Warrior has an interesting contraption/ torture device rigged up for any mice venturing into the garage with a plank of wood,a drinking can smeared with peanut butter and a bucket of water... you get the picture??? Also learnt they are attracted to dog biscuits... yes dog biscuits which The mouse warrior,(also known as Norm) adds to the peanut butter in the traps, to help give them weight and set the trap off as a mice nibbles at the biscuit, also dish washing liquid helps to add to the drowning of the mouse... yes it does sound barbaric and at first I was truly horrified but today as my Mum in law and I drove through the country and I saw fields of crops in various stages of sewing, re sewing and growth I have come to realise it is a necessary part of farming life at the moment if our farmers are to make any kind of head way in dealing with them before more of their lively hood is ruined.

Now while I have grown in my strength to be able to stomach the thought of a mouse on the veranda you will not find me emptying traps or disposing of a mouse corpse, however I will admit to a small feeling of satisfaction as I hear the loud SNAP of the plastic trap going off enclosing a mouse within and grin as I watch Norm react with satisfaction as he say's "I got another one"!!

Submission in marriage.. it's actually what I choose.

Often the question of submission comes up in my circle of friends. As a christian women in a Christan marriage, I submit,(sometimes with a grumble) to my husbands authority as head of our house, knowing that he has been charged with the responsibility of taking care of our family's needs emotional, practical and financial, a huge responsibility and one that he takes very seriously.

Submission is a word which can be described/defined as “willing conciliation.” That means that the wife should be “willing,” not coerced. Wives respect their husbands. Husbands are to be considerate of their wives. BOTH partners should be willing to “put the other’s interests above his/her own” as Philippians 2 describes. The woman should be willing to submit to her husband not be unwilling and NEVER forced. The man should be a loving, servant leader – accountable and responsible to God and his family. A loving leader leads – doesn't manipulate or pressure. I am grateful and blessed to be part of a loving covenant marriage, I am proud to submit to my husband, it doesn't make me weak or stupid, but instead gives me the confidence to know I can express myself how I choose and know I will always be valued and respected by the most amazing man, my husband.

I know that people who don't follow this biblical Principal can have a misunderstood perception of what submission really is and why we as women do it. The bible Say's "wives submit to your husband" Ephesians 5:22... now I know many people who misuse this verse and only focus on the first part about wives submitting to their husbands, but the verse continues and says "and husbands love you wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25. This I see is a huge honour and also a huge responsibility, I mean Christ loved the church passionately, Christ died for the church, he gave his EVERYTHING for the church, and knowing that my husband has been called as a Christian man to love me the same way blows my mind. Knowing and being completely secure that my husband loves me passionately that he would give his everything for me, that he would die for me, means so much more to me than not having the final say over buying a new piece of furniture or DVD...

A good friend of mine describes submitting to her husband as "equal partners with different roles in the marriage". I love this definition, I think some people have the impression that submitting to your husband means you give away your brain.. your right to say no or have an opinion in your own life. I can categorically say this is not true, I still have (and always have had) very strong opinions and I am free to express them and know I am heard when I do so, sometimes my husband may agree with them sometimes he may disagree, but ALWAYS I am heard, loved and above all respected! These again are the things I value most for my man, rather then having an argument over a new purchase or dinner out I understand that my husband has his reasons for saying no to certain things and that he does it because he has a responsibility to look after our family unit as a whole and may see the bigger picture for us, one that I might not see at the time,... My husband ( a beautiful man) expresses his opinions or disagreements with me in a respectful tone and manner which lets me know that he loves me and has heard my voice and values my opinion and input.

I see my husband loving me as Christ loves the church everyday, I see it as he gives up time with his friends to ensure that I get to spend time with my friends having nights out at craft group or going to dinner, I see it as he goes to work an puts in a full day working hard to financially provide for us, and then comes home to a house full of people and doesn't complain because he knows it make me happy to entertain, I see it as he works through out family budget and always makes sure that there is some extra cash on hand so I can do an unplanned shop at spotlight or take my bestie to a movie. I see him sacrifice over and over for me and our children and I am astounded at how much he gives of himself to me and I know that submitting to him is so worth it as I am loved and cherished as Christ loved and cherished his church, passionately completely with his everything.

Sometimes I .....

Sometimes I am a completely awesome mum, on the top of my game, kids are clean, happy, well fed, occupied without the television being on and I am full of love for them...

Sometimes I give the kids cereal for dinner

Sometimes I think OMG if these children don't stop talking at me my head is literally going to explode!!!

Sometimes all I want to do is hug my kids

sometimes I can't stand to be touched by them

Sometimes my house is so tidy I marvel at my ability to have it all organised and sparkly

Sometimes my house is so untidy I wonder what wild animals may surface or if child protective services will remove my children for unsafe/untidy living conditions

Sometimes I am so full of love for my saviour it wells up and takes over my body I literally feel love and gratitude coming off me in a physical sense

Sometimes I am so dry as a christian I question where are you God..

Sometimes I am so excited by life, the possibilities are endless and I am filled with hope

Sometimes I think I can't be bothered today, turn over and sleep some more


Sometimes (most times)I think I have married the most amazing man in the world, I think he is brilliant, caring, insightful and the best person I know

Sometimes (not often) I think my husband has no clue about anything


Sometimes I cannot contain my creative flow, I can sew, scrapbook and crosstitch for hours on end, forming beautiful creations that look amazing

Sometimes I cannot draw a straight line... even with a ruler

Sometimes I love myself, I think I am well on the way to being the beautiful strong confident woman I have been created to be

Sometimes I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror, I feel weak and out of control of my own life

Sometimes I feel so full of contradictions I have to write them own in a blog post.

Dear Gateway person,

So this is not something I would normally do, however for the past 18 months I have had so much gossip speculation and plain ol' hurt thrown my way I decided to set the record straight!

Dear Gateway person, specifically the two woman who looked me in the eye today snubbed their noses and walked away from me for no reason I can think of other then that I no longer attend your church, here are a few facts, Number one I did not leave Gateway to attend another church because my best friend did, this topic I KNOW has been the hot issue of many gossip sessions by some people.... people whom I thought were my friends.Number two I left Gateway because of service time changes, because I did not agree with decisions being made by leadership, because it no longer felt like my church home any more, but mostly I left because I was being led to by God, and in the end I answer to him, not YOU!!! Number Three NO I did not just pick up and leave, I had many conversations with leadership, both on my own and with my husband, much prayer soul searching and discussion was had before David and I made the decision TOGETHER that the children and I would no longer attend services at Gateway.

Number 4 I am so sick and so hurt with continued gossip and nasty things being said about me at the time I left your church and my husband decided to stay things like, I was an unfair wife that I was putting pressure on David to leave, that I was mean to stress our marriage that way were all things that got said about me. Again things being said by people whom I thought my friends... my family....things confirmed to me by other people when I directly asked them. I NEVER told my husband to leave or gave him an ultimatum in any way shape or form. I NEVER pressured him in anyway, he has his own mind, and his own heart and made his own decision for himself.

Things being said like I was a traitor or that I jumped ship when things were going bad etc etc, again I should not have to defend myself but it seems the only way things will be right from my point of view is if I do because just today I was again subjected to unfair hurt and snobbery for the simple act of following where God led.I didn't "jump ship" when things got bad. I resent this being said about me especially after I served in your church even when things were difficult for me personally and for our family. I had two babies at the time, a 4 year old and a 10 year old who needed to be my priority, following where led and listening to my heart also a priority. Being heard also a priority this is why I left, not because things were a bit rough within the church, there is far more to my character then that.

It pains me deeply that after almost 8 years of service, love and commitment to your church that it has to come to this. Yes We have left your church but really do I deserve this treatment.... I don't think I did anything wrong here, I tried to finish well, I have not bitched, put down or disrespected Gateway church, it's leaders or the decisions it makes since leaving and whilst I did not agree with things while attending I as a member of the Gateway family had the right to have my voice heard.... but when you speak up and get put down for it, it becomes intimidating to do so after a while.

I know I did the right thing in leaving, no it was not an easy decision to make it was fraught with heartache and lots of tears, nights of me sitting on the floor crying to my husband and to God what do I do?? but subsequent treatment has been a confirmation, when people whom were like your family, your mentors, your friends, no longer speak to you, do not return your phone calls, snub you and gossip about you for no reason other then making a choice that is right for you and your family, it confirms that choice over and over. Gateway you were once a place of happiness, love and Christ's acceptance for me, I met my husband walking through your doors, I found Christ in your Alpha course and in people, my darling children were dedicated to the Lord in your presence I learnt to love and trust in God, in people and in myself during my 8 years in your house, I wish I was able to leave and live my life with these fond and beautiful memories at the forefront of my mind, but instead I have to continue to be treated unfairly and unjustly.

I really hope this sets the record straight, and that the talk can stop, please realise you're hurting my feelings and those of my children when you deliberately snub us. No you do not have to fall all over us or be fake if you no longer want to speak to me that's fine, but please leave it at that, don't speak about me behind my back, unfortunately gossip always finds it's way back to the party it's being spoken about. It's hurtful and not required.... if you have a question re my motives, my heart or my choices pick up the phone and lets chat I would of been very happy to answer your questions or concerns, instead of having to go to the lengths of a public forum to be heard.

The F word ... Forgivness

Forgiveness, lets face it we all struggle with it! Why? Because forgiveness is a tricky thing, something I refer to as the other F word,.. why.... because it's so damn hard to do...most of the time. I find forgiving things I see as smaller injustices or offences so much easier to forgive then ones that I see as bigger.

The act of forgiveness has gotten so messed up though. Most people think forgiveness is about excusing the behaviour of the person who wronged you, letting them off the hook for the hurt they have caused... that's how I viewed forgiveness for a long time anyway. I refused to forgive people..why should they be able to get away with the horrible things they have said and done? Why should I forgive them and let them feel better when I feel so much pain? Forgiveness and my lack of being able to do so really messed me up for a long time. I harboured vengeful thoughts towards those who had wronged me and was often consumed with anger, hurt and even hate towards people. Unforgiveness created a darkness in me...now I realise that may sound strange but that is the only way I can describe it. When I thought of a particular person or event that had caused considerable pain or damage to me I felt all these negative emotions welling up inside of me, taking over any good or positive feeling I was having at the time. My heart grew hard and I wished that who ever had hurt or offended me would experience the same pain... justice I would defend these thoughts with!

It wasn't until a couple of years ago I really grasped just how freeing forgiveness can be. I knew that as a Christian it (The F word) was something I was expected to do,something God does everyday and something I should be willing to offer to others the same way he does. However I am NOT God and I lack his compassion and understanding so forgiveness even though I was and am a Christian continued to be a struggle. It wasn't until talking some of these emotions out with a trusted advisor and really feeling the need to get rid of these dark and revenge filled thoughts that the forgiveness picture began to become clearer.

Forgiveness isn't about the other person, letting them off the hook, forgiveness is about ME!!! Letting myself off the hook. Being able to let go of all the anger, hurt and mis-trust I was holding against people for offences that had happened so long ago. Offences that they have probably not even given a second thought to. Those actions were eating ME up not them and so I had to let go. Letting go and forgiving was not an easy thing to do and sometimes the process of forgiveness had to be done over and over till I really began to feel a change in my heart. It took a long time to work through lots of pain that I had been carrying around. And even now forgiveness is not something that comes naturally to me, however I know how much better I feel when I have forgiven someone so it is something I continue to work on, wanting to get better at it.

I have learnt that it is not my place to deal out the justice ( a very long and difficult journey to get to that point mind you) Forgiveness for me has become so freeing, I no longer have to carry the weight of pain and anger towards people, I am free. Forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting, or allowing the same person to continue to hurt me, boundaries have been put in place in certain circumstances and some people although forgiven are no longer part of my life. Forgiving doesn't mean excusing what the person/s did wrong but it is allowing myself to acknowledge the hurt and hand it on to God to deal with (I believe he will do a far better job with the dealing of justice then I could ever do) Sometimes I don't want to forgive I want to feel angry and annoyed about a situation or person and every now and then I do find myself plotting scenarios in my head on things that could happen in return for my pain, (muwhahahaha Dr Evil laugh) but in the end I know that this is wrong. It's really not the type of woman I want to be. I want to be free of anger and hate as much as I possibly can be, I don't want to be weighed down by the burden of unforgiveness. No this does not give people permission to treat me like a door mat and whilst I will forgive you for your actions if they continue I will not allow you to be a part of my life, because I deserve better. However I know that I can walk away from the relationship without holding onto pain and hate because I choose to hand these over.

So big shocker I am not perfect, yes I still struggle to forgive, even more of a struggle is asking to be forgiven when I know I have stuffed up (but that's a whole different post) The forgiveness process is sometimes a daily process for me, but it is something I want to continue to work on, so I can continue to grow and be the woman I was meant to be, free of hate and anger a strong woman with a soft heart!

Vagina Verses Vulva

So this post may be a little confronting for some of you and you may want to walk away, but given the title of this post I am guessing you already know it has to do with vagina's and the various names we refer to them as.

As a mum of two daughters I recently decided to teach my daughters (more so my almost 2 year old) the proper name for her body parts,especially her genitalia. I have a varied circle of friends all who use various names in reference to their female "bits" and I had heard one friend in particular who is the mum of 2 young girls teaching her daughters to refer to their personal female parts as a vulva... now this was really confronting to me, I had not readily heard this female body part refered to as a vulva, usually woman including myself call it a vagina. The word vulva seem so foreign to me and to be honest a little bizarre, to hear this 3 year girl mention she had wiped her vulva after going to the toilet was totally odd to my way of thinking. "why on earth is she calling her vagina a vulva?" I asked my friend...as is always the case with this particular friend I got the most simple and straight forward answer "uummm cause that's what it is".... I went home a little mystified, why a vulva why not call it a vagina.. well the more I thought on it the more it made sense to me.

I want my kids to be able to correctly identify their body parts and the vagina is the inside part of the female gentiles, the vulva is the outside. I want my kids to be able to tell me if they have a particular pain where it is, and to just say my vagina hurts isn't good enough. Also especially as my eldest daughter is growing into a young lady now heading towards turning 12 years old next year, I don't want her using these cutsie name like foo foo or daisy, or names that objectifies or sexualise her body parts, yes the vagina is used for sex but it is also that amazing delivery channel that babies are birthed through and I don't want for our girls to grow up thinking that their vagina's are only there for sex, because of the sexual names society gives them.... am I over thinking this,... well you may think so but for me I think it is really important for my daughters and myself to know our bodies and the correct terms and usage for our various parts.

Intergrating the word vulva into our vocabulary has been interesting, we get some strange looks from people who might be about during a nappy change of our daughter and no doubt some of you reading this are probably thinking this woman is a nutcase (and that's OK I am a nutcase who knows I have a vulva and a vagina lol)we have started teaching Miss O with each nappy change where her vulva is and she now very proudly points to it and says "bulva" (she will be 2 in March next year so we think bulva is a pretty good pronunciation at this point)once her baby powder is sprinkled on she also announces "bulva..nice" hehehe which I think is her way of saying she likes to have the powder put on each nappy change.

So in the debate (and when I say debate please don't take that to mean I sit around discussing vagina's and vulva's cause I don't I simply mean a discussion I have had with my husband and with myself on how important is this particular thing) of referring to our girls private body part as vulva or vagina, vulva wins, it's the proper name for that part and to quote my friend..."uummmm cause that's what it is", simple and straightforward. Of course what you call your own body is your choice so go ahead and use whatever name makes you comfortable but for the females in this house, we choose to use the word vulva.

I Don't like it, my opinion on FB and the I like it status updates

I have had enough, and I just have to have my say here, cause every time I get on Facebook it annoys me to be bombarded with stupid status updates, yes this is another blog post to add to the many out there on breast cancer and the I like it status updates on Facebook.
I don't know who's idea it was to start the whole "I like it" thing on Facebook, but gee it is getting really annoying to everyday see people put up I like it on the kitchen bench, I like it on the table etc etc.... Can someone please explain to me how saying where we like to put our handbag, under the guise of how we like our sexual positions helps raises awareness about breast cancer...ummmm these status updates don't even mention the words breast or cancer?????

Please tell me how sexualising someones handbag spot has anything to do with breast cancer? I don't get it? What am I missing here? Also why do we have to make it about sex anyways ohhh it's so funny woman like to have sex giggle giggle giggle...grow up it's not funny and doesn't raise any awareness about the terrible killer that is breast cancer.

As a woman who has been through 2 surgeries to have 4 lumps cut out of her breasts, I find it insulting! I have twice now had to go through the process of mammograms, needle biopsy's and then the waiting on results to find out if I have cancer or not.. I have been blessed twice to have negative results however the lumps I had still had to be removed, they were still dangerous as they were growing throughout my breast tissue, the surgery's were scary and painful and both my breasts are left scared. My dear Aunty Val passed away a few years ago after having both her breasts as well as lymph nodes removed, she beat the first lot of cancer after her surgery and suffering through terrible chemo, but was tragically struck with a secondary cancer and passed away. The whole handbag /sex position, I feel cheapens her memory and I don't like it at all.

So before you tell me again that you disagree with me and that telling the whole of Facebook land where you like to leave your handbag as a sexual position really does raise breast cancer awareness I think you should consider some alternatives...if you really want people to be aware of breast cancer or you want to actually do something proactive to support the cause then please host a girls night in for breast cancer research...get together with some of your girlfriends and put the money you would of spent on a night out towards cancer research. Make a personal donation, go spend time in a cancer ward, tell a woman who is going through chemo or surgeries how stunningly beautiful she truly is, how brave and strong she is,tell her what an inspiration she is!!!!!
As a society can't we PLEASE just stop making everything about sex, frankly it makes me sick to see something as serious as breast cancer being cheapened in such a gratuitous unnecessary way. I love my Aunty Val. I miss her everyday and I would much rather do something important and hold my head high knowing I am contributing to helping find a cure then splashing stupid status updates on Facebook.I think this would make her proud.

On October the 29th I am holding a girls night in, all money raised will be going to the breast cancer research foundation, if your interested in coming along for a great night or want to make a personal donation,contact me on this blog or my Facebook page, together lets get proactive and actually do something towards fighting the fight and raising some real awareness!

Real men do ballet.....rant of an angry mummy

So usually I am a calm blogger who thinks through carefully about what I am going to say/write because I like to express myself in a certain way but right now I am SO FRIGGING ANGRY I just have to blog and get this out of my system before my head explodes with annoyance and with the feelings of total gender injustice!!!

So as most of you know my gorgeous son Peter who is 5 has started ballet lessons, in fact he had his first lesson yesterday and if I do say so myself looked incredibly sweet in his dance pants and ballet shoes I was so proud of him. He has been asking/begging for dance lessons periodically for about 6 months and at first I resisted thinking he would grow out of it to quickly changing his mind the way he changes his undies and if I am being honest I would say I also resisted because I was afraid of what people would say about him having the lessons, but the more he asked for them the more I began to see that ballet was something he was very passionate about and when my eldest brother Adam (who is very much a mans man football player soccor coach etc etc) said to me "if he wants to dance let him dance who the hell cares as long as his happy, I will come and watch him dance" I felt it a turning point in my attitude he was right the most important thing was that Peter was/is happy and if dancing makes him happy so be it. We looked around and with the input of Aunty Lanii (the dance queen) have found a local place that is really good with a great reputation. Peter was incredibly excited about his lesson yesterday and for a boy who can be a bit shy when trying new things he took to it with ease and had a ball. I am so happy that HE is happy...

Well I was happy until I told my mother about his lessons and that we had gone ahead with them for him she laughed and in a somewhat sarcastic tone informed me that it was "no surprise" that Peter would be dancing, then I got told that "he isn't really a sporty person and he will probably change his mind anyway, maybe he will do tennis since he will never play football" OH MY GOD!!!!! I was SO angry!!!!

And maybe it seems like I am airing "family dirty laundry" but ya know what this is my blog and I am annoyed and I gotta say what I feel. YES Peter is a sensitive and feminine boy YES he cries easily and NO he doesn't like football or rough play He would prefer to do craft then kick a ball or wrestle this doesn't make him any less of a boy, for frig sake we are talking about a 5 year old here I really don't think that ballet dancing is going to "turn" him gay, if he is gay he is gay dancing won't make or change that and that is something we will have to work through and process with him when he is older but for now how about we just let the little guy be happy and frigging DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he is teased at school by other boys or bully's he will have the confidence and conviction to stand up for himself knowing that it is HIS choice to dance and that he is allowed to be who he is and he has the right to do what makes him happy (as long as he isn't hurting anyone or himself) and not be some created image of what society thinks a man is supposed to be, here's a heads up men can cry and still be men, men can dance and still be men and men can treat woman with kindness and respect and still be men. I am raising little men not sheep!!! I am proud of my boy and his choice and am happy he is off the couch getting some healthy exercise and most importantly he is having FUN doing what makes him happy and as a parent how can I want anything less for him..Thus end the rant!!!!

We are weaners!!! End of the breastfeeding journey.

So as most of you who follow along here on my little blog know I have been a breastfeeding mum for over a year now (go me!!)You all know the internal battle I experienced to get to a place where I was comfortable and confident enough to actually even try breastfeeding with Olivia. It had been a bit of a battle but I am so proud of myself as I worked very hard on getting through my emotional reservations and issues with breastfeeding.

Olivia and I have enjoyed a fabulous time boobing away for the first 14 months of her life, however a month ago I started feeling the desire to reclaim my body, after two pregnancies very close together (and I DO mean very close there is only 4 months between my pregnancy with Mikey and my pregnancy with Olivia)and breastfeeding for 14 months I really felt like I was loosing myself a bit and wanted to reclaim my body..including my boobies.

I have had a wonderful and loving experience breastfeeding Livvy-bug and although it was originally my plan to feed her until she was 2 years old physically and emotionally I have gotten to a place where I feel I am done. Olivia was no longer at a stage of having a breastfeed for a meal, as a newborn would be solely dependant on milk for there food requirements Olivia eats a massive range of foods and was only having a big drink at night and popping on and off the boob during the day for quick drinks, it became (if I am being honest) a bit frustrating for me to literally have her attach for 35 seconds so after discussion with my amazingly supportive hubby we decided to end our breast feeding relationship. Extremely happy in the knowledge that I have given her a wonderful and healthy natural start during the past month we have transitioned or weaned off the breast and onto a bottle for night time and a sippy cup for during the day.
Olivia has taken to it with gusto and enthusiasm which has made the whole process very easy. Her big sister Malinda has enjoy being able to share cuddles and give Livvy her night time bottle sometimes this is such a lovely sight for us as their parents to see.

Olivia and I would like to thank everyone who has supported encouraged and given us advice and help during our breastfeeding relationship, especially Meegs Beer, Sarah Mac, Sazz Langford and my hubby, Liv's Daddy David who has been amazingly supportive as he and I both did the learning and journey of feeding our daughter together.

Busy blogger returns with a new address!

so I have been insanely busy the past couple of months and as such my beloved blog has become very neglected, to be honest I have really struggled to find the time to just sit and write... and even as I am typing this post I am attempting to keep one eye on Mr Mikey who is currently trying to help himself to the pantry.

So the big news for team Tredinnick and probably the biggest thing that has kept me away from blogging is real estate. We decided to sell our home and upgrade to a bigger house as our family of 6 had really begun to out grow our 4 bedroom house with no back yard that the kids could play in. I had been feeling guilty for some time that the children didn't have a safe area to play outside as the retainer walls had fallen down in our backyard and with a quote of $30,000 to fix them (something we just didn't have at the time) they were left all over the yard and the children have been forced to only play indoors unless visiting a park. Then a couple of months ago hubby completely shocked me by suggesting we get an agent round to value the house and get it on the selling market,... to be honest I was really surprised by this seemingly out of the blue suggestion as hubby is not known for his spontaneous decisions and usually most things require months of thought and planning if he is going to make a change (I was to later find out he had been thinking about selling the house on and off for almost 2 yrs, so this explained so called spontaneity hee hee) after meeting with a couple of agents we decided on one and got to the business of making the house tidy and presentable for sale...no small feat given 4 children who liked to undo all the cleaning almost as soon as it was done. The day came when we have the photo's done and put on the net and the house went on the market on a Sunday night, on Monday morning we had an agent ringing asking if they could bring someone through that afternoon, sure no prob thinking I could whisk the kids down to the park for a bit while the agent was there 45 Min's later another phone call from another agent saying they also had a client wanting to look at the house, ok so I am thinking maybe I will take the kids to Macca's. It now appeared I was going to be out of the house all afternoon, I was also wondering how I was going to deal with having to take the kids out in the cold all the time when people wanted to look through and even more worrying was how was I going to attempt to keep the house clean with the kids at home. That afternoon when hubby came to pick us up from Macca's we had a phone call from one of the agents saying that the person they had taken to see the house wanted to buy it!!!!! We were totally flabbergasted to say the least we went down to the agent saw the offer that was submitted and decided it was to good to pass up and we signed contracts that night! Yes we sold our home in 24 HOURS!! So that solved the issue of how was I going to maintain the spotlessness with 4 children.

We needed to find a new home a lot faster then we thought, opting for a 90 day settlement gave us a bit more time to search for our new home, which we found 2 weeks later. Our dream house as I call it is amazing: 5 bedrooms big big big lounge room/family room/kids play area lots of bench space in the kitchen plus a "good" room which is really a parents only lounge room YAY!! but the best thing is a beautiful big backyard with an undercover area for the kids to play in summer or winter, there is room for our trampoline, basketball hoop and some play equipment. We have indulged in some new furniture to help fill some of the space in the new house including new chaise lounge suite, complete new bedroom suite for Malinda and also new dresser and beside tables for us and a bookshelf for the lounge room. I feel so at ease here and the family all adjusted to the move really easily including the 2 babies who settled in with no fuss at all.

Although this move has been a blessing all the paper work, time spent waiting on approval for this or that and dealing with conveyances who are rude and don't return phone calls had made me realise I don't want to move again anytime soon, which is a good thing because we all love our new home so much I cant imagine moving out of here for a loooonng time yet! I have so enjoyed the past two days with the little bit on sunshine we have had here in cold cold Melbourne as I have been able to spend time with the 2 littlest Tredinnicks outside playing in our new backyard whilst the older 2 Tredinnick children have been at school. I can't wait for summer to hit so we can enjoy BBQ's,entertaining and most of all enjoy hearing the sound of children laughing as they play together outside in the sunshine.

Olivia turns one!

 Okay so I have been totally run off my feet with school holidays and 4 children so have had no chance to blog about recent events including Livvy's 1st birthday party, Easter and school holiday madness and since Meegs has been sooking about my lack of blogging I thought I would try to do a couple of posts over the next day or so.

 I will start with Olivia's birthday and her party.

We had an amazing day despite my stress a couple days before that no one would show up for her party. We were blessed by Kintara and Adam who gave us pretty much all our party's supply of plates, cups, napkins and bowls thanks again guys it was a huge help. The plates were in the shape of Ladybugs and the cups and smaller plates had pictures of ladybugs on them they were awesome and of course if you haven't picked up on the theme we had a ladybug party as this is one of Livvy's nicknames. Red and black balloons floated around the house as we organised the backyard and lounge rooms ready for the party.

 I had made Olivia a red tutu and sewn on black spots. I also made her a headband with antena on them to

complete her outfit... it turned out great if I do say so myself hee hee. Some of the party guests also dressed up as ladybugs or other types of bugs or beetles. There was Drew who looked awesome in his bumble bee costume (and is now forever nicknamed Mr

Drew-bee), Peter was a silvery dragonfly, as well as that there were some other ladybugs, butterflies and a very cute centepede. The effort everyone went to was awesome and all the kids looked great.

 We had our very special friend Lanii come and take some beautiful photos on her big expensive camera which was very generous of her and the photos look great - thank you Lanii for do that for us oxox. 

My mum made the birthday cake...which was a point of many conversations/arguments of differing artistc opinions but in the end we settled on a  design and she did an absolutely fantastic job, the cake made me cry and I could not bring myself to cut the ladybug part as I thought it to pretty. A fantastic result Thanks mum.

 Livvy-bug received some very beautiful presents for her birthday from all her guests but one that is very very special was handmade by her Godmother Megan for her. It is a beautiful blanket with brightly coloured patch work squares. Livvy managed to christen it in the first week of having it by doing a poop on it...it had since been washed and she cuddles up with it at night. A gorgeous present from a gorgeous lady.

 The party went off without a hitch lots of food and fun, pass the parcel and pin the tale on the donkey, free play and music. We all had an awesome day and want to say a massive thank you to all who came and celebrated Olivia's special day with us....I still cannot believe my baby is one time sure moves on.