Saturday, October 15, 2011

The moment after..

Hiya, I know it's been a while since my last post and sooo much has happened new house, new church, new school for one of the tribe and most excitedly a new baby boy for my very best friend Meegs. I was honoured and blessed to be asked in to be support for Megan has she birthed her 4th son, a huge privilege to be a witness to baby Eli's entrance into the world... now you may think this is what I am blogging about but you would be wrong! OOohhh don't worry there will be a blog post about Eli's birth but what I wanted to write about was the moments that took place after he was born, things that I experienced that caused me to wonder and question a few thoughts and mind sets I have as a women and in my friendships.

After Eli was birthed and had been snuggled and cuddled by his Mummy and Daddy and received his first breastfeed, Megan requested a shower... and who can blame her, birthing is hard work and we all work up a sweat. I assisted her into the shower and helped her remove what little clothing she had left on. Her body was tired,she had worked hard and thankfully there was a chair in the shower stall.. yay for that says Meegs. We fiddle with the temperature adjusting til a suitable amount of warmth is shooting through the shower head, I help my friend sit in the chair I hitch up the legs on my jeans and wet a washer and stand in front of this amazing women... a woman who has just birthed her 4th child but for the very first time everything was on her terms. No interventions no inductions, just the power of her body doing what it was created to do. I tell her she can lean into me if she likes so she can rest some under the water.. as she does I am filled will a new sense of wonder at the power of friendship. My beautiful friend sitting naked in front of me, resting her head on my breast as I wash her back and do my best to work with the water and soothe her pains, it hits me what a primitive thing it is we are doing, thousands of women have gone before us doing this very same thing supporting each other in birth and after as well. Such an intimate moment between us, a moment that breaks through the simple word of friendship and brings us into sisterhood, Megan laughs and says "well there is no turning back now, you've seen it all" I giggle along with her but then say "there is no way I would want to turn back".. and I mean it. Yes watching Eli's birth was an incredible breath taking experience, as was holding my dear friend as she breathed through her contractions and worked with her body as she did her thing, but for me, the moments after, the moments in the shower where I felt the spirit of so many other women.. so many mothers before us in one of the most natural and raw emotional experiences I have had as a women, that's what I will remember most about that day.

Which begs the question... why oh why are we so fueled by hate for each other? Gossip, jealousy, rivalry, backstabbing and just plain meanness... why do we do this and feel this towards each other? I have asked myself this a lot this past week, when reflecting on the day Eli was born. Why do we feel it necessary to question what other mum's are doing? We don't have to agree with another woman's choice on how she cares for her child, does she breastfeed or not, home school or not, and how could she possibly wear those clothes, no we don't have to agree with those things but how about little respect and understanding, we are all different we are going to do things differently... not wrong just different.

I say this not just to you but ME too.. I do my very best to not gossip because I hate being gossiped about it's hurtful and damaging and 99% of the time gossip gets back to the person anyways so my thoughts are you may as well just tell that person... but I am human and I mess up on this a lot and fall into the gossip trap, I have been guilty of envy and jealousy "why is that person better at that then I am .. I work harder at it I should be the best"... yep its an ugly side of me but it does exists.. but after my experience with Meegs and my emotions getting a workout I want to change the way I view other women, not as rivals but as women, who come with their own set of "stuff" insecurities, issues with their kids or husbands differing views on religious choices parenting etc the list goes on.

If I can have such an intimate fulfilling amazing experience with a friend simply in the act of washing her back, then why can't I have those amazing moments with others.. NOW STOP FREAKING OUT!!! I am not about to go round stalking you in your shower offering to wash you BUT I can simply ask you how your day is and listen with intent and interest as you answer, I can cook you a meal or invite you out for one with me... I can do so many things to enrich the life of many women in my circle of friends and beyond and so can YOU!!.. Next time you feel jealousy towards another women ask yourself whats behind it, why do you feel that way, go and talk to the person be honest about what your feeling, it will be far more rewarding and enriching for you then sitting around bitching about the person. Nope it won't be easy and may be uncomfortable and embarrassing... but for me, I guess I would rather risk some embarrassment and have the blessings that come in the moments after as my relationships grow into a deep level of understanding then just surface level has to be worth it... right?


  1. Leesa, i love this post! <3 Given me a little kick up the preverbial ;)

  2. Great post, Leesa! How true, that we can all be and give so much more than we do! This post should be mandatory to all women! Very well put!



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