Sunday, January 3, 2010

Real friendship for me!

So I have been thinking about relationships the last few days and the difference between friendships, acquaintances best friend relationships and people you know in passing that always receive a polite nod but never really get to know the real you and what lies in your heart. Best friends is a term that I used in high school but is one that has resurfaced in my life during the past 6 months. The dictionary defines the word BEST as follows : good, most suitable, most desirable, favourable, most excellent, most profitable.

In high school the more "friends" you had was how your popularity was measured the bigger your following the "cooler" you were. I was in a group with 8 people we were not the top of the of school hierarchy nor were we at the bottom, however I would say that despite being in this large group I often felt lonely and even isolated at times. I was in a close relationship with 1 person in our group whom I would say was my "best" friend throughout high school the rest were rather superficial but it was part of my high school experience being in a group.

As I grow older I feel the need to surround myself with only a very small group of people whom I would classify as real friends,... you know the type of people who wont judge you for leaving last nights dinner dishes on the kitchen table or for wearing day old socks, the type of person you can sit with for hours and pour your heart out to and the next day joke and be completely silly with. I have been blessed in my friend relationships of late, I have been fortunate enough to have two amazing woman in my life who can feed my soul and crack me up at the same time. Megan and Sue are two woman that I would say are my "best friends". The relationship has been built on mutual trust, love, respect, understanding and a passionate love of all things vampire...which is part of the glue that bonds us together ;-) These are the woman I can call at any time day or night who come through in a pinch with a wise word, a comforting hug, a funny joke or a big cup of coffee for one of those nights where sleep has been thwarted by crying babies or sick children.My besties know that I am there for them in any way they need me to be. These woman know who I am and what I stand for they often know my thoughts before I speak them and a bit of non verbal communication can often take place when we are all together. Our children all play well together secure that they are all loved and accepted as individuals by all the adults around them. I am comfortable and at peace with my 4 little moneys being parented and influenced by either of my besties and their children because I know that they treat there kids with respect and parent by similar values and beliefs.

This is not to underplay the role of other friends and acquaintances in my life Sarah Mac is a prime example of this, we have been friends for about 9 years and although we can go months at a time without speaking to each other in person, this is never done with malice or anger.. we are both busy mums who have interests and commitments outside our individual circles however I know that she will always have my back and vise versa. Sarah and I are on very different journeys in our lives but as our paths cross along the way we always enjoy the time we spend together as it is rich in conversation flowing with ideas for things to sew next, love and giggles from our children as the play together.

Popularity and the quest to collect "friends" on things such as facebook and my space may be well and good for a time, but of those "friends" who would you call in a crisis? Who would you first want to call to share good news with or to have a good cry with? How do these friendships fulfill you as a person and in return how do you feed into those peoples lives??
As for me I say screw popularity I choose to forgo the superficial and unfulfilling and seek meaningful connections with people whom I love and trust to speak truth into my live and that of my children's lives. Relationships that allow me to express who I truly am and that encourage me to grow as a woman, wife and mother, in return as I continue to become more of whom I was created to be I will do my very best to be the type of friend and person that I can say I am truly proud of and that the people closest around me can be proud of knowing.



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