Sunday, January 31, 2010

Having it over rated!!

After having an in depth conversation with my bestie Meegs about our roles as wives and woman I came to the conclusion that as a woman I really don't want to "have it all." Now I realise this particular blog entry may get the feminists up in arms and that's okay discussion is healthy as long as it stays friendly :-) My personal opinion is that this modern version of aggressive womanhood has not really done a whole lot help the advancement of woman, we still have to work harder then a man to achieve the same kind of status or perks in the work place.. because as woman we are still seen as the weaker sex and need to prove ourselves worthy of the same position as a male the burning of bra's certainly didn't change that all it did was make our boobs hang low. Now I am not by any means an expert on any sort of feminism culture or history so please don't start slinging mud at me or my blog this is just my opinion, thoughts and feeling you don't have to agree. But I kinda feel like some aspects of the feminist movement have made things a little harder on woman, the demands of a stay at home mother are incredibly tough in this role mothers are: teachers, care givers, comforters, cooks, cleaners, gardeners, entertainment providers, makers of craft activities etc etc we shape and mold the life and minds of our children..who are adults in the making this is a huge responsibility, and in my opinion one that is not given enough validation or recognition. However this is seen by many as not enough and that a career outside the home is also required to make our role as woman complete. So we strive so hard to have it all.

Having it all is an expression I have heard used a lot in lots of different contexts. As woman we seem to think we can "have it all" the career, the kids, run a home as well as social commitments. Well I don't want to have it all at least not the worldly view or ideals of what having it all entails. I watch my Darling husband struggle to spread his time equally with a demanding job, 4 children, a wife, social commitments and church obligations and it is not easy. Not all commitments are able to be honored and someone or something often misses out. I want to be the type of mother who makes promises to her children and keeps them not having to change their schedule around as other things arise which seem to take importance over their needs. No career path, job offer or social commitment will ever come before the needs of my children and husband. I want to be the type of friend who doesn't cancel on her buddies because of "work" and I want to be the type of Christian who can come before God with an open heart and a clear mind not all weighed down with more responsibility and "stuff" in my life that I don't need to complete me as a woman.

Sure as a working mum we can out source the house work and ironing have a cleaning person come do the house chores and hire a nanny or stick the children in childcare if we choose to go to work but then that's cheating in my books we really aren't having it all, we are paying people to have it for us. I don't believe children who are in childcare full time receive the love, attention or benefits that children who are at home with their parent/s do, and if the government got off their arses and realised how much work actually goes into raising children and made some sort of financial contribution to household incomes then perhaps more mums who want to stay home but are not able to due to loss of income could do so. When I had my eldest child there was no option for me I was a single mum and had to work to support my child so she was put into childcare full time and I worked spending little time with her in the mornings as we prepared for the work day and evenings we were both tired and it was dinner, bath and bed. Malinda turned out to have a hearing problem and developmental delays but these went unnoticed by a busy and tired working mum and childcare centre staff not equipped at detecting such things.

Call me old fashioned or even stupid but I still want my husband to open the door for me, to defend me in a fight, help me kill spiders when they come any where near me, and treat me like a princess. That's not to say I don't have opinions on things and I am certainly not backwards in coming forwards to express those ( as you can see) but I also have no problem submitting to the authority God has placed on my husbands shoulders as a man, leader and head of our house, NO I am NOT a doormat but a supportive partner. David and I partner in our married life parenting our tribe as a team, however the running of the house is my responsibility just as the role of financial provider for our family is David's. While I want and need my husbands support in my various undertakings I don't want him to be a doormat either, support is one thing but I want my man to be a man. I am not interested in having a partner who has no back bone and no opinions of his own. Belittling, swearing at or gossiping salaciously about our men doesn't make us stronger woman, I think it makes you weaker, is disrespectful and low class. Working things out as a team however and maintaining a healthy respect for each others contributions to the marriage/relationship and loving our similarities and differences I feel is a more reasonable approach to married life.

I am happy and content spending my days breastfeeding my daughter, singing songs and doing craft with my children, giving the house a tidy through (some days better then others) and making yummy meals for us as a family at the end of the day.These are the things that fulfill me as a woman and are my version of having it all. Yes I like some quiet me time and sometimes the hours till bedtime get counted down from about 10am but it is certainly not the end of the world if I don't always get that time on my own or if the kids refuse to go to bed when I think they should... however it would be the end of the world if I had to miss out on watching the loves of my life grow and develop into awesome young people and then adults for the sake of a career that someone else thought I should have.


  1. Well put Leesa!
    I too am, what many feminists may concider, backwards or old fashioned. My husband is the "bread winner", I'm a sahm. I really want a marriage in that the man "wears the pants", but I do struggle to establish that here with my hubby coming from a family where the female dominated. I don't WANT to be the head of our house! But saying that doesn't mean I'm wanting to be his "little woman", lol.
    In many ways I think the feminist acts have taken it past equality and turned into man hating or dominance, which has just been coming across as de-masculating/un-masculating(whatever you'd call it) to the men.
    All I want in my marriage is for my hubby to recognise that maternal parenting is a full time job, and I deserve recognition and breaks too ;) And that I'm doing the best job I can, but he is welcome to get in the kitchen and make his own pie, not just wait at the dinner table to be served like husbands of the past!
    When I tried to go back to work, I only did so because my mum was able to have our son. I'd rather rent for the rest of our life though then have him in childcare and me work out of home to afford a mortgage.

  2. I agree 100% with Jen. Exactly how I feel about it all too.



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