Submission in marriage.. it's actually what I choose.

Often the question of submission comes up in my circle of friends. As a christian women in a Christan marriage, I submit,(sometimes with a grumble) to my husbands authority as head of our house, knowing that he has been charged with the responsibility of taking care of our family's needs emotional, practical and financial, a huge responsibility and one that he takes very seriously.

Submission is a word which can be described/defined as “willing conciliation.” That means that the wife should be “willing,” not coerced. Wives respect their husbands. Husbands are to be considerate of their wives. BOTH partners should be willing to “put the other’s interests above his/her own” as Philippians 2 describes. The woman should be willing to submit to her husband not be unwilling and NEVER forced. The man should be a loving, servant leader – accountable and responsible to God and his family. A loving leader leads – doesn't manipulate or pressure. I am grateful and blessed to be part of a loving covenant marriage, I am proud to submit to my husband, it doesn't make me weak or stupid, but instead gives me the confidence to know I can express myself how I choose and know I will always be valued and respected by the most amazing man, my husband.

I know that people who don't follow this biblical Principal can have a misunderstood perception of what submission really is and why we as women do it. The bible Say's "wives submit to your husband" Ephesians 5:22... now I know many people who misuse this verse and only focus on the first part about wives submitting to their husbands, but the verse continues and says "and husbands love you wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25. This I see is a huge honour and also a huge responsibility, I mean Christ loved the church passionately, Christ died for the church, he gave his EVERYTHING for the church, and knowing that my husband has been called as a Christian man to love me the same way blows my mind. Knowing and being completely secure that my husband loves me passionately that he would give his everything for me, that he would die for me, means so much more to me than not having the final say over buying a new piece of furniture or DVD...

A good friend of mine describes submitting to her husband as "equal partners with different roles in the marriage". I love this definition, I think some people have the impression that submitting to your husband means you give away your brain.. your right to say no or have an opinion in your own life. I can categorically say this is not true, I still have (and always have had) very strong opinions and I am free to express them and know I am heard when I do so, sometimes my husband may agree with them sometimes he may disagree, but ALWAYS I am heard, loved and above all respected! These again are the things I value most for my man, rather then having an argument over a new purchase or dinner out I understand that my husband has his reasons for saying no to certain things and that he does it because he has a responsibility to look after our family unit as a whole and may see the bigger picture for us, one that I might not see at the time,... My husband ( a beautiful man) expresses his opinions or disagreements with me in a respectful tone and manner which lets me know that he loves me and has heard my voice and values my opinion and input.

I see my husband loving me as Christ loves the church everyday, I see it as he gives up time with his friends to ensure that I get to spend time with my friends having nights out at craft group or going to dinner, I see it as he goes to work an puts in a full day working hard to financially provide for us, and then comes home to a house full of people and doesn't complain because he knows it make me happy to entertain, I see it as he works through out family budget and always makes sure that there is some extra cash on hand so I can do an unplanned shop at spotlight or take my bestie to a movie. I see him sacrifice over and over for me and our children and I am astounded at how much he gives of himself to me and I know that submitting to him is so worth it as I am loved and cherished as Christ loved and cherished his church, passionately completely with his everything.

Sometimes I .....

Sometimes I am a completely awesome mum, on the top of my game, kids are clean, happy, well fed, occupied without the television being on and I am full of love for them...

Sometimes I give the kids cereal for dinner

Sometimes I think OMG if these children don't stop talking at me my head is literally going to explode!!!

Sometimes all I want to do is hug my kids

sometimes I can't stand to be touched by them

Sometimes my house is so tidy I marvel at my ability to have it all organised and sparkly

Sometimes my house is so untidy I wonder what wild animals may surface or if child protective services will remove my children for unsafe/untidy living conditions

Sometimes I am so full of love for my saviour it wells up and takes over my body I literally feel love and gratitude coming off me in a physical sense

Sometimes I am so dry as a christian I question where are you God..

Sometimes I am so excited by life, the possibilities are endless and I am filled with hope

Sometimes I think I can't be bothered today, turn over and sleep some more


Sometimes (most times)I think I have married the most amazing man in the world, I think he is brilliant, caring, insightful and the best person I know

Sometimes (not often) I think my husband has no clue about anything


Sometimes I cannot contain my creative flow, I can sew, scrapbook and crosstitch for hours on end, forming beautiful creations that look amazing

Sometimes I cannot draw a straight line... even with a ruler

Sometimes I love myself, I think I am well on the way to being the beautiful strong confident woman I have been created to be

Sometimes I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror, I feel weak and out of control of my own life

Sometimes I feel so full of contradictions I have to write them own in a blog post.

Dear Gateway person,

So this is not something I would normally do, however for the past 18 months I have had so much gossip speculation and plain ol' hurt thrown my way I decided to set the record straight!

Dear Gateway person, specifically the two woman who looked me in the eye today snubbed their noses and walked away from me for no reason I can think of other then that I no longer attend your church, here are a few facts, Number one I did not leave Gateway to attend another church because my best friend did, this topic I KNOW has been the hot issue of many gossip sessions by some people.... people whom I thought were my friends.Number two I left Gateway because of service time changes, because I did not agree with decisions being made by leadership, because it no longer felt like my church home any more, but mostly I left because I was being led to by God, and in the end I answer to him, not YOU!!! Number Three NO I did not just pick up and leave, I had many conversations with leadership, both on my own and with my husband, much prayer soul searching and discussion was had before David and I made the decision TOGETHER that the children and I would no longer attend services at Gateway.

Number 4 I am so sick and so hurt with continued gossip and nasty things being said about me at the time I left your church and my husband decided to stay things like, I was an unfair wife that I was putting pressure on David to leave, that I was mean to stress our marriage that way were all things that got said about me. Again things being said by people whom I thought my friends... my family....things confirmed to me by other people when I directly asked them. I NEVER told my husband to leave or gave him an ultimatum in any way shape or form. I NEVER pressured him in anyway, he has his own mind, and his own heart and made his own decision for himself.

Things being said like I was a traitor or that I jumped ship when things were going bad etc etc, again I should not have to defend myself but it seems the only way things will be right from my point of view is if I do because just today I was again subjected to unfair hurt and snobbery for the simple act of following where God led.I didn't "jump ship" when things got bad. I resent this being said about me especially after I served in your church even when things were difficult for me personally and for our family. I had two babies at the time, a 4 year old and a 10 year old who needed to be my priority, following where led and listening to my heart also a priority. Being heard also a priority this is why I left, not because things were a bit rough within the church, there is far more to my character then that.

It pains me deeply that after almost 8 years of service, love and commitment to your church that it has to come to this. Yes We have left your church but really do I deserve this treatment.... I don't think I did anything wrong here, I tried to finish well, I have not bitched, put down or disrespected Gateway church, it's leaders or the decisions it makes since leaving and whilst I did not agree with things while attending I as a member of the Gateway family had the right to have my voice heard.... but when you speak up and get put down for it, it becomes intimidating to do so after a while.

I know I did the right thing in leaving, no it was not an easy decision to make it was fraught with heartache and lots of tears, nights of me sitting on the floor crying to my husband and to God what do I do?? but subsequent treatment has been a confirmation, when people whom were like your family, your mentors, your friends, no longer speak to you, do not return your phone calls, snub you and gossip about you for no reason other then making a choice that is right for you and your family, it confirms that choice over and over. Gateway you were once a place of happiness, love and Christ's acceptance for me, I met my husband walking through your doors, I found Christ in your Alpha course and in people, my darling children were dedicated to the Lord in your presence I learnt to love and trust in God, in people and in myself during my 8 years in your house, I wish I was able to leave and live my life with these fond and beautiful memories at the forefront of my mind, but instead I have to continue to be treated unfairly and unjustly.

I really hope this sets the record straight, and that the talk can stop, please realise you're hurting my feelings and those of my children when you deliberately snub us. No you do not have to fall all over us or be fake if you no longer want to speak to me that's fine, but please leave it at that, don't speak about me behind my back, unfortunately gossip always finds it's way back to the party it's being spoken about. It's hurtful and not required.... if you have a question re my motives, my heart or my choices pick up the phone and lets chat I would of been very happy to answer your questions or concerns, instead of having to go to the lengths of a public forum to be heard.

The F word ... Forgivness

Forgiveness, lets face it we all struggle with it! Why? Because forgiveness is a tricky thing, something I refer to as the other F word,.. why.... because it's so damn hard to do...most of the time. I find forgiving things I see as smaller injustices or offences so much easier to forgive then ones that I see as bigger.

The act of forgiveness has gotten so messed up though. Most people think forgiveness is about excusing the behaviour of the person who wronged you, letting them off the hook for the hurt they have caused... that's how I viewed forgiveness for a long time anyway. I refused to forgive people..why should they be able to get away with the horrible things they have said and done? Why should I forgive them and let them feel better when I feel so much pain? Forgiveness and my lack of being able to do so really messed me up for a long time. I harboured vengeful thoughts towards those who had wronged me and was often consumed with anger, hurt and even hate towards people. Unforgiveness created a darkness in me...now I realise that may sound strange but that is the only way I can describe it. When I thought of a particular person or event that had caused considerable pain or damage to me I felt all these negative emotions welling up inside of me, taking over any good or positive feeling I was having at the time. My heart grew hard and I wished that who ever had hurt or offended me would experience the same pain... justice I would defend these thoughts with!

It wasn't until a couple of years ago I really grasped just how freeing forgiveness can be. I knew that as a Christian it (The F word) was something I was expected to do,something God does everyday and something I should be willing to offer to others the same way he does. However I am NOT God and I lack his compassion and understanding so forgiveness even though I was and am a Christian continued to be a struggle. It wasn't until talking some of these emotions out with a trusted advisor and really feeling the need to get rid of these dark and revenge filled thoughts that the forgiveness picture began to become clearer.

Forgiveness isn't about the other person, letting them off the hook, forgiveness is about ME!!! Letting myself off the hook. Being able to let go of all the anger, hurt and mis-trust I was holding against people for offences that had happened so long ago. Offences that they have probably not even given a second thought to. Those actions were eating ME up not them and so I had to let go. Letting go and forgiving was not an easy thing to do and sometimes the process of forgiveness had to be done over and over till I really began to feel a change in my heart. It took a long time to work through lots of pain that I had been carrying around. And even now forgiveness is not something that comes naturally to me, however I know how much better I feel when I have forgiven someone so it is something I continue to work on, wanting to get better at it.

I have learnt that it is not my place to deal out the justice ( a very long and difficult journey to get to that point mind you) Forgiveness for me has become so freeing, I no longer have to carry the weight of pain and anger towards people, I am free. Forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting, or allowing the same person to continue to hurt me, boundaries have been put in place in certain circumstances and some people although forgiven are no longer part of my life. Forgiving doesn't mean excusing what the person/s did wrong but it is allowing myself to acknowledge the hurt and hand it on to God to deal with (I believe he will do a far better job with the dealing of justice then I could ever do) Sometimes I don't want to forgive I want to feel angry and annoyed about a situation or person and every now and then I do find myself plotting scenarios in my head on things that could happen in return for my pain, (muwhahahaha Dr Evil laugh) but in the end I know that this is wrong. It's really not the type of woman I want to be. I want to be free of anger and hate as much as I possibly can be, I don't want to be weighed down by the burden of unforgiveness. No this does not give people permission to treat me like a door mat and whilst I will forgive you for your actions if they continue I will not allow you to be a part of my life, because I deserve better. However I know that I can walk away from the relationship without holding onto pain and hate because I choose to hand these over.

So big shocker I am not perfect, yes I still struggle to forgive, even more of a struggle is asking to be forgiven when I know I have stuffed up (but that's a whole different post) The forgiveness process is sometimes a daily process for me, but it is something I want to continue to work on, so I can continue to grow and be the woman I was meant to be, free of hate and anger a strong woman with a soft heart!

Vagina Verses Vulva

So this post may be a little confronting for some of you and you may want to walk away, but given the title of this post I am guessing you already know it has to do with vagina's and the various names we refer to them as.

As a mum of two daughters I recently decided to teach my daughters (more so my almost 2 year old) the proper name for her body parts,especially her genitalia. I have a varied circle of friends all who use various names in reference to their female "bits" and I had heard one friend in particular who is the mum of 2 young girls teaching her daughters to refer to their personal female parts as a vulva... now this was really confronting to me, I had not readily heard this female body part refered to as a vulva, usually woman including myself call it a vagina. The word vulva seem so foreign to me and to be honest a little bizarre, to hear this 3 year girl mention she had wiped her vulva after going to the toilet was totally odd to my way of thinking. "why on earth is she calling her vagina a vulva?" I asked my friend...as is always the case with this particular friend I got the most simple and straight forward answer "uummm cause that's what it is".... I went home a little mystified, why a vulva why not call it a vagina.. well the more I thought on it the more it made sense to me.

I want my kids to be able to correctly identify their body parts and the vagina is the inside part of the female gentiles, the vulva is the outside. I want my kids to be able to tell me if they have a particular pain where it is, and to just say my vagina hurts isn't good enough. Also especially as my eldest daughter is growing into a young lady now heading towards turning 12 years old next year, I don't want her using these cutsie name like foo foo or daisy, or names that objectifies or sexualise her body parts, yes the vagina is used for sex but it is also that amazing delivery channel that babies are birthed through and I don't want for our girls to grow up thinking that their vagina's are only there for sex, because of the sexual names society gives them.... am I over thinking this,... well you may think so but for me I think it is really important for my daughters and myself to know our bodies and the correct terms and usage for our various parts.

Intergrating the word vulva into our vocabulary has been interesting, we get some strange looks from people who might be about during a nappy change of our daughter and no doubt some of you reading this are probably thinking this woman is a nutcase (and that's OK I am a nutcase who knows I have a vulva and a vagina lol)we have started teaching Miss O with each nappy change where her vulva is and she now very proudly points to it and says "bulva" (she will be 2 in March next year so we think bulva is a pretty good pronunciation at this point)once her baby powder is sprinkled on she also announces "bulva..nice" hehehe which I think is her way of saying she likes to have the powder put on each nappy change.

So in the debate (and when I say debate please don't take that to mean I sit around discussing vagina's and vulva's cause I don't I simply mean a discussion I have had with my husband and with myself on how important is this particular thing) of referring to our girls private body part as vulva or vagina, vulva wins, it's the proper name for that part and to quote my friend..."uummmm cause that's what it is", simple and straightforward. Of course what you call your own body is your choice so go ahead and use whatever name makes you comfortable but for the females in this house, we choose to use the word vulva.

I Don't like it, my opinion on FB and the I like it status updates

I have had enough, and I just have to have my say here, cause every time I get on Facebook it annoys me to be bombarded with stupid status updates, yes this is another blog post to add to the many out there on breast cancer and the I like it status updates on Facebook.
I don't know who's idea it was to start the whole "I like it" thing on Facebook, but gee it is getting really annoying to everyday see people put up I like it on the kitchen bench, I like it on the table etc etc.... Can someone please explain to me how saying where we like to put our handbag, under the guise of how we like our sexual positions helps raises awareness about breast cancer...ummmm these status updates don't even mention the words breast or cancer?????

Please tell me how sexualising someones handbag spot has anything to do with breast cancer? I don't get it? What am I missing here? Also why do we have to make it about sex anyways ohhh it's so funny woman like to have sex giggle giggle giggle...grow up it's not funny and doesn't raise any awareness about the terrible killer that is breast cancer.

As a woman who has been through 2 surgeries to have 4 lumps cut out of her breasts, I find it insulting! I have twice now had to go through the process of mammograms, needle biopsy's and then the waiting on results to find out if I have cancer or not.. I have been blessed twice to have negative results however the lumps I had still had to be removed, they were still dangerous as they were growing throughout my breast tissue, the surgery's were scary and painful and both my breasts are left scared. My dear Aunty Val passed away a few years ago after having both her breasts as well as lymph nodes removed, she beat the first lot of cancer after her surgery and suffering through terrible chemo, but was tragically struck with a secondary cancer and passed away. The whole handbag /sex position, I feel cheapens her memory and I don't like it at all.

So before you tell me again that you disagree with me and that telling the whole of Facebook land where you like to leave your handbag as a sexual position really does raise breast cancer awareness I think you should consider some alternatives...if you really want people to be aware of breast cancer or you want to actually do something proactive to support the cause then please host a girls night in for breast cancer research...get together with some of your girlfriends and put the money you would of spent on a night out towards cancer research. Make a personal donation, go spend time in a cancer ward, tell a woman who is going through chemo or surgeries how stunningly beautiful she truly is, how brave and strong she is,tell her what an inspiration she is!!!!!
As a society can't we PLEASE just stop making everything about sex, frankly it makes me sick to see something as serious as breast cancer being cheapened in such a gratuitous unnecessary way. I love my Aunty Val. I miss her everyday and I would much rather do something important and hold my head high knowing I am contributing to helping find a cure then splashing stupid status updates on Facebook.I think this would make her proud.

On October the 29th I am holding a girls night in, all money raised will be going to the breast cancer research foundation, if your interested in coming along for a great night or want to make a personal donation,contact me on this blog or my Facebook page, together lets get proactive and actually do something towards fighting the fight and raising some real awareness!

Real men do ballet.....rant of an angry mummy

So usually I am a calm blogger who thinks through carefully about what I am going to say/write because I like to express myself in a certain way but right now I am SO FRIGGING ANGRY I just have to blog and get this out of my system before my head explodes with annoyance and with the feelings of total gender injustice!!!

So as most of you know my gorgeous son Peter who is 5 has started ballet lessons, in fact he had his first lesson yesterday and if I do say so myself looked incredibly sweet in his dance pants and ballet shoes I was so proud of him. He has been asking/begging for dance lessons periodically for about 6 months and at first I resisted thinking he would grow out of it to quickly changing his mind the way he changes his undies and if I am being honest I would say I also resisted because I was afraid of what people would say about him having the lessons, but the more he asked for them the more I began to see that ballet was something he was very passionate about and when my eldest brother Adam (who is very much a mans man football player soccor coach etc etc) said to me "if he wants to dance let him dance who the hell cares as long as his happy, I will come and watch him dance" I felt it a turning point in my attitude he was right the most important thing was that Peter was/is happy and if dancing makes him happy so be it. We looked around and with the input of Aunty Lanii (the dance queen) have found a local place that is really good with a great reputation. Peter was incredibly excited about his lesson yesterday and for a boy who can be a bit shy when trying new things he took to it with ease and had a ball. I am so happy that HE is happy...

Well I was happy until I told my mother about his lessons and that we had gone ahead with them for him she laughed and in a somewhat sarcastic tone informed me that it was "no surprise" that Peter would be dancing, then I got told that "he isn't really a sporty person and he will probably change his mind anyway, maybe he will do tennis since he will never play football" OH MY GOD!!!!! I was SO angry!!!!

And maybe it seems like I am airing "family dirty laundry" but ya know what this is my blog and I am annoyed and I gotta say what I feel. YES Peter is a sensitive and feminine boy YES he cries easily and NO he doesn't like football or rough play He would prefer to do craft then kick a ball or wrestle this doesn't make him any less of a boy, for frig sake we are talking about a 5 year old here I really don't think that ballet dancing is going to "turn" him gay, if he is gay he is gay dancing won't make or change that and that is something we will have to work through and process with him when he is older but for now how about we just let the little guy be happy and frigging DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he is teased at school by other boys or bully's he will have the confidence and conviction to stand up for himself knowing that it is HIS choice to dance and that he is allowed to be who he is and he has the right to do what makes him happy (as long as he isn't hurting anyone or himself) and not be some created image of what society thinks a man is supposed to be, here's a heads up men can cry and still be men, men can dance and still be men and men can treat woman with kindness and respect and still be men. I am raising little men not sheep!!! I am proud of my boy and his choice and am happy he is off the couch getting some healthy exercise and most importantly he is having FUN doing what makes him happy and as a parent how can I want anything less for him..Thus end the rant!!!!